


Birthdays

by Ghara2



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angst, Bill has panic attacks, BillDip, Human bill, M/M, Older Dipper Pines, Suicide, This Does Not End Well, a little fluff, inspired by the Adventure Time song "Everything Stays", very little blood, you have been warned about the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 20:55:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5470490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghara2/pseuds/Ghara2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill would always have a panic attack during the twins' birthday. He couldn't help himself; fear, anxiety, and despair just took over him every time, and he couldn't stop it.</p><p>The Pine Tree got a year closer to death every time, that's why. And they had to come up with a solution for that.<br/>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>"Everything stays, but it still changes."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Everything Stays

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is Dipper's 27th birthday.
> 
> Everything Stays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vu_oJR2psGY

 

Bill lazily opened his eyes, leaving them half-lidded as he stared at the brunet that lay before him. He was sleeping peacefully beside him, it was a pleasant sight. He always loved gazing at his lover right beside him, inches away from his own face. The demon would feel relaxed when he did this every morning, it was nice.

Until he realized what day it was today.

August 31st. The twins' birthday.

Bill held out his hand and lightly caressed the brunet's face, careful not to wake him up. He ran his fingers through his curls gently as he adored his cute little face as his little Pine Tree slept, just for a few moments. He could see his lips curl into a smile ever so slightly, perhaps having his dreams a little affected by the demon's touch.

The demon sat up carefully, making sure the mattress wouldn't squeak, and the shift of weight wouldn't be so sudden. He stood up and turned to look at his lover, who was still sleeping peacefully on the bed with his arms curled up to his pillow.

_I need to stop that. I need to do better, for Pine Tree...I can handle this. It's just another year, Bill. Today's supposed to be a very happy day for him, and I can't ruin it...again. Do it for him, Bill. You can do this. You have to be stronger. It's not that hard..._

Bill snapped out of his thoughts and gave the brunet one last look before turning around and walking to the door. He simply phased through it rather than going through the trouble of trying to open and close it without making a sound. The Pine Tree needs to remain asleep until they're done preparing.

He walked down the stairs and went to the kitchen, finding that Mabel was preparing the cake. Bill shook off his worries and walked to her, then offered to help her. The brunette accepted the offer and had the demon coat the cake with frosting.

"Hey, Shooting Star, why are you preparing the cake yourself? It's your birthday too, isn't it?" Bill asked, tilting his head in curiosity.

"It's fine, Bill, I'm going to throw a party soon! I'm going to invite everyone in the club to party all day long! Party till they drop!" Mabel replied excitedly.

Bill couldn't help but chuckle at her enthusiasm. "Why not today, though? I mean, it's your actual birthday, not a day too soon, nor too late."

"Well, it's also pretty special for you and my bro. I'll let you two have some sweet moments today, I don't mind. You guys are really cute together, you know? He'll probably enjoy having a relaxing birthday for once; it's always wild since I plan most of our parties!"

"Heh, thanks, Shooting Star. You sure are supportive," Bill remarked. He suddenly felt something in his mind; his Pine Tree was about to wake up. "Pine Tree's about to wake up, I'll go get him."

"Go ahead, Bill! Wish him a happy birthday right away!" Mabel cheered.

_Right, a happy birthday._

Bill quickly ran up the stairs, then almost slammed the door wide open. Almost; it was just a few millimeters before it hit the wall. He took a deep breath and regained his composure, then walked to the bed's side which Dipper faced.

The brunet slowly opened his eyes and yawned, scratching his eyes. He sat up lazily and blinked a few times to clearly see the figure going towards him.

"Happy birthday, Pine Tree!" Bill greeted, grinning as he leaned closer to the brunet's face.

_Huh, he's doing pretty well this time. He's a lot better now..._

Bill heard that thought run through the Pine Tree's head. He still remembers those times...

_...Of course, how could he not._

"Don't worry about me, Pine Tree, I'm all good now! I'm actually really excited today; come on, let's go downstairs so we can celebrate!" The demon helped his lover get up and took him down the stairs, holding his hand as they walked down the steps.

When they were finally in the living room, Mabel leapt to her twin and yelled, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" He was a little startled, but he chuckled at his twin sister. "Happy Birthday too, Mabel!"

Bill watched them acting so happily even though it was early in the morning. They were really cute to watch; these two always stuck together and never really changed.

_Bill, please don't ruin this for them._

"Oh, hang on, I better get the candles! Wait, where are they again? I'm gonna go look for them!" the brunette continuously said, slightly jumping every time she ended a sentence. "I'll get them, Shooting Star!" Bill replied, running to the stairs. "Hey you guys are adorable, but don't get too excited; let's eat some breakfast first, alright?" Dipper laughed.

_Stop running away._

"Doh alright, bro-bro. I'm really excited for the cake, though! Bill helped me a little with it! Well, just a little, but yeah," Mabel said. "Let's eat right now then! You make the best cakes every year, I'd love to eat it!" Dipper replied, rushing to the table. His twin ran to the kitchen to get some breakfast while Bill sat on the chair opposite of him.

Mabel placed the food on the table then looked at Bill. She nodded slightly towards her brother, nonverbally asking if the demon wanted to sit with him. He shook his head and let her take the seat instead. She just shrugged in response.

"So, we're getting even older now, huh?" she said, starting up a conversation. "Yeah...27, huh? We still haven't changed that much, though. We still never left each other's side," Dipper replied, taking a bite out of the French toast. "And we're gonna keep it that way for as long as we can, Dippingsauce." "Yeah, it's nice just being like this..."

The twins continued talking about how they were now 27 years old while they ate. Bill just silently listened to them, but barely nibbling on his food. He figured he'd just make it disappear later.

-

"I'll get the candles!" Bill said, excitedly. The twins have finished eating, so he wanted to prepare the cake already.

"Go, Bill, go!!!" Mabel cheered as he stood up. "Wow, somebody's excited," Dipper teased. "Hey, it's your birthday too, I know you want it!" "Well, you're not wrong," the brunet chuckled. Bill ran up the stairs and went into Dipper's room, closing the door. He searched for the candles and found them, then grabbed them.

...But he didn't come back.

About ten minutes had passed, and he still hasn't returned.

"What's taking him so long?" Mabel asked, resting her cheek on her fist.

"I'll...go check on him." Dipper was worried, and once Mabel realized what was probably happening, she felt the same way.

_Bill, are you pushing yourself again...?_

The brunet made his way to the stairs and walked to the door of his room. It felt different there, yet the aura was familiar.

_Bill..._

He slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open, peeking inside bit by bit as he did. "Bill...?" he called out. He took a few steps inside and looked around, searching for the demon. His eyes widened at the sight before him.

Bill was sitting in the corner, engulfed in blue flames. The fire was big, but it didn't burn the things surrounding him. Dipper could hear him breathing heavily and whispering to himself, but he couldn't make the words out. He knew exactly what was happening, though.

_Not again..._

"Oh my god, Bill...!" he called, rushing to him. He hugged him tight, not caring about the sting from the flames surrounding him and the demon. Bill was shuddering violently, enough to make the floorboards produce sounds.

"Bill, I'm here, it's okay..." Dipper comforted.

"A-another year...another year closer to death..." he sobbed. "T-twenty-seven...? No...y-you were just twenty-six...twenty-five...y-you're d-dying...?! I-I can't, no, you're going to leave my side, I can't survive like that...y-you're gonna die...you're gonna die...no...NO...please don't leave me, please don't leavemepleasedon'tleaveme-" Bill's pleads grew more intense, and so did the flames.

"Bill, c-calm down! I'm not going to leave you! I'm only twenty-seven, it's not that much, we still have a lot of time!" Dipper said, running his hand up and down the demon's back, trying to make him relax.

"But P-Pine Tree...you're still getting closer to dying, a-aren't you...? I d-don't want that...y-you're going to leave me someday, I know it...please don't...I need you...I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE, DIPPER PINES...DON'T GO AWAY..." Bill screamed, gripping onto the brunet's shirt.

"Shh, Bill, it's okay..." he answered, running his fingers through the demon's golden strands. "I'm still here, aren't I? I need you in my life too, and I hate seeing you like this..." Dipper pulled away slightly and gave him a little kiss on the cheek. "I'm going to stay by your side because I love you, Bill Cipher." He looked into the demon's eyes which glowed red with white pupils. He no longer feared looking into them, for he knew he wouldn't hurt him. He was his lover now.

Bill sobbed and hiccupped, returning the stare hesitantly. Slowly, the flames died down and turned into fluids endlessly streaming from his eyes. Dipper cupped his cheeks and gently stroked the tears away as they fell. The demon was still in a state of panic, but he was slowly calming down.

Dipper began to sing a song that would surely let him come back to his senses. He never broke eye contact with his dream demon as he sang with a soothing, mellow voice.

_"Let's go in the garden, you'll find something waiting; right there where you left it, lying upside down._

_When you finally find it, you'll see how it's fading; the underside is lighter when you turn it around._

_Everything stays, right where you left it. Everything stays, but it still changes._

_Ever so slightly, daily and nightly, in little ways, when everything stays."_

Bill leaned into his touch and stayed like that for a few seconds, still shivering a little and occasionally hiccupping, though the tears stopped. His grip loosened on his shirt and he wrapped his arms around the brunet's shoulders instead.

 _"E-everything stays...right where y-you l-left it...Everything s-s-stays...b-but it...still...c-changes..."_ he tried to sing with a shaky voice, tears coming out again.

"It's alright, Bill," Dipper comforted, planting a little kiss on his nose. "It'll be okay." He gave him a gentle smile and wiped off the remaining tears that continued to flow.

"I-I'm sorry for ruining your birthday every year...it's supposed to be h-happy, and yet...I..." Bill looked down, breaking the eye contact. The Pine Tree sighed, but not out of displeasure. "It's okay, Bill, I'm used to it by now." Dipper tilted the demon's head up, still looking him in the eye.

"Hey, look at me." His voice wasn't demanding and showed no sign of anger; rather, it was gentle, and somewhat affectionate.

The demon looked into his eyes once more.

"I love you."

Bill hesitantly slid his hands to the brunet's collar and held them. "...I love you too."

He leaned in and pressed his lips onto his Pine Tree's. The kiss was slow and sensual, yet at the same time passionate. The demon wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer, finding more comfort in the human's warmth. He slowly pulled away and buried his face in the crook of his neck, his breathing slowly returning to a normal pace.

They stayed like that for a while, Dipper caressing his lover's back ever so gently. He gave him time to relax and return to his normal state before asking, "So, can we blow the candles?"

"Ah, right, about that..." Bill leaned back and gave a wry smile before continuing. "I, uh, kinda melted them when I touched them...but don't worry, there are still a few left! That's also kinda why I'm not wearing my gloves anymore." He chuckled lightly, regaining his humor. Now there was Dipper's dream demon.

Dipper snorted and laughed lightheartedly; he loved this demon. "Come on, just take what's left so we can go back downstairs. Mabel's been waiting this whole time, after all."

"Yeah, sure Pine Tree," Bill replied, picking up three candles. "Oh, do you want to freshen up first?" Dipper asked. The demon's eyes were puffy and red, though not literally red, just the kind that you'd see from someone who'd just cried his eyes out. "Oh, no, I'm all good, I'm fine!"

"...Can I trust those words, Bill?"

There was a silence, but not one that made the brunet doubt the demon.

Bill smiled affectionately at him and replied, "Yes, Pine Tree. Just this once, I can guarantee you I mean it." He planted a little kiss on the brunet's lips and grinned genuinely. There it is.

"What do you mean 'there it is'?" the demon asked. Dipper chuckled softly and said, "You." He poked Bill's cheekbone and made him giggle.

"For your sake, though," Bill snapped his fingers, making a wet towel appear out of thin air. "I'll clean myself up." He wiped his face, cleaning up the tears that have dried on his cheeks. "Ah, much better." He snapped his fingers once again and made it disappear, then flicked his hands to cover them with gloves.

"So, let's go?" Dipper asked, standing up. "Yeah, sure!"

The brunet suddenly ran down the stairs rather than walking, much to Bill's surprise. He decided to just go along with it and trot to the table.

"Sorry we took so long, Mabel!" Dipper apologized. "We got the candles, though!" Bill added, holding up the three candles that remained.

"What?! Where are the other candles?? Ah, who cares, stick 'em in! I'm so excited!!!" Mabel squealed, slamming her palms onto the table as she stood up.

Bill placed the candles in the cake, arranging them so that they'd be like a triangle. "Really, Bill? A triangle?" Dipper teased. "What, why not?" he shrugged, a wide grin on his face. "Light em, light em, light em! C'mere bro-bro!" Mabel chanted.

Dipper ran to the side of the table opposite of his twin, then with a snap, Bill lit the candles with blue flames, a little fire on the tip of his finger as well.

"Happy Birthday!!!" the twins yelled, then blew the candles together. Dipper coughed a little and leaned away because of the smoke, but he laughed it off along with his twin sister afterwards. The brunet turned to the demon and walked to him, making him a little confused. "What is it, Pine Tree?"

Dipper blew the remaining flame on the demon's fingertip then held his hand and leaned his cheek against it. Without warning, Bill planted a kiss on his lips. He laced their fingers together with his free hand and kissed him again, a little longer this time. "What a cute little Pine Tree you are. I love this sapling with all my...never-ending life."

The brunet chuckled and wrapped his arms around the demon's waist, pulling him closer as he buried his face into his chest. Bill hugged him back and rested his chin on the shorter man's head, letting him snuggle closer.

"Scrapbook opportunity!" Mabel announced, clicking a photo with her Polaroid.

Dipper hugged Bill tighter and hid his face more in embarrassment. "Mabel...!" he groaned, though it came out muffled. The demon ruffled the brunet's hair affectionately, snickering.

"Hey, let's open our presents, Dipdop!" Mabel said. Dipper pulled away and excitedly replied, "Yeah, sure!" The twins ran to their pile of presents on another table and started to pick which one to open first. Bill just stood there and watched them being so happy on their birthday.

_It was like this too, last year. It's been like this for the last few years. It's always like this; I ruin the good mood, but somehow they always manage to bring it back to life._

_...I wish I could do the same for him when the time comes._

"Hey, Pine Tree, Shooting Star!" Bill called.

"Yeah?" they asked in unison, turning around. Bill smiled and waved, though they weren't that far.

"...Happy Birthday!" he greeted.

"Thanks!" they replied, then went back to opening their gifts.

As they turned around, his arm went limp by his side once again, and his sad smile that he'd been hiding revealed itself.

 

_...But it still changes._

 

 


	2. 19 in Millions of Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper's 40th birthday.  
> \----------------------------------------  
> "If I haven't fallen in love in millions of years until I met you, what makes you think I can fall in love all over again?"

_No...not this stupid day again...it's today, another one...another year...please  stop..._

Bill was having yet another panic attack in the bed, setting it in blue flames. He was shuddering violently, shaking the bed itself with his actions. It was getting noisier by the minute; you could probably hear it from downstairs already.

_Stop it, Bill Cipher...why can't you just get used to this...? You've been doing this for 19 fucking years now, why can't you just accept it...? Calm yourself down, fucking stop it already. You're going to ruin another one, dammit..._

Dipper stirred in his sleep, but slowly opened his eyes and groaned softly. The movements of the bed mixed with a familiar sting woke him up. He took a few seconds to realize what was happening. "B-Bill...!" he called out, slowly reaching out to his lover.

"N-No...no...d-don't look at me!" Bill cried, jolting up. He stepped harshly onto the floor and pushed himself off the bed with his arms, attempting to stand. The demon couldn't concentrate, but he desperately tried to run away, slamming his foot onto the floorboards each time he stumbled.

_Shitshitshitshit why did I have to ruin it again...another...birth...day...another year closer to his demise...another year before I lose him...before I lose my first love..._

"Bill, wait, please!" Dipper yelled, sitting up as fast as he could.

"STAY AWAY, I'M SORRY!" the demon screamed, lunging forward. He slammed into the wall and dropped onto the ground as he sobbed.

"BILL!"

Dipper rushed to him and hugged him tight, stroking his back and running his fingers through his golden locks that never faded in color; unlike his own. The past brunet now had streaks of gray in his hair. It was really early, to be honest, but he could only blame genetics for that.

"Bill, I'm still here, I'm still with you..." he cooed.

"P-Pine Tree...? D-don't leave me, p-please...Y-you're much worse than b-before...please, stay here w-with m-m-me...d-don't go...I-I don't want to be all alone again...not anymore..." the demon sobbed, clutching onto his shirt with shivering hands.

"I won't, don't worry, I won't...I promise..." Dipper said, comforting him.

"Please...don't promise what you can't do...Y-You're going t-to leave me someday, I-I know...but please...don't leave me with a broken promise, P-Pine Tree..." he begged.

Dipper was slightly taken aback by his sudden words. He never said anything like that before...

_...But then again, he really couldn't keep such a promise, could he?_

"...Sorry. For your sake, I take back what I said, but..." he attempted to lean back, only to have the demon hugging him tighter and closer.

"B-but what...?"

"...But I'll stay by your side until my very last breath. Until my very last heartbeat. Until the end of my life, Bill. That, I can promise."

"U-until your d-death..."

"Yes, until my death..." Dipper repeated, then planted a kiss on the demon's forehead. The demon froze in his arms. _Why...?_

"Bill...?" he called.

"Y-your death...your death..." the demon sobbed.

_Oh no. Why did I say that word._

"Y-y-you're another year c-closer...h-ha...n-no...you're going t-to leave me...s-so soon...P-Pine Tree...? P-Pine Tree...? Pine Tree...? W-where are y-you...? A-are you leaving me...? All alone i-in this unforgiving universe...? P-please, c-come back, stay with me...I c-can't live without y-you..." Bill cried.

_He was going insane._

"P-PINE TREE...? DIPPER P-PINES...? P-PLEASE...DON'T LEAVE...DON'T LEAVE...!" he screamed.

Dipper hugged him tighter and whispered into his ear, "Bill, I'm not leaving you, I'm still here...I'm hugging you right now, c-can you feel me? I'm staying here with you, Bill, you're not alone." He gave him a tender kiss on the cheek, trying to comfort him.

"Pine...Tree...? A-aren't you dying...? S-slowly...?"

"Don't worry about the future, Bill," Dipper said, gently cupping the demon's cheek. "What matters is I'm here right now, with you. I'm not going to leave you because I love you, remember? You love me; Dipper Pines, and I love you; Bill Cipher. It's going to be okay, we have a lot more time..."

With that, the blue flames faded and once again turned into tears. He was breathing erratically as he cried, holding his lover as tightly as he could, never wanting to let him go.

"Hey...remember the song I always sing to you at times like this?" Dipper asked, stroking his hair.

" _L-let's...go in t-the garden...y-you'll...find..._ " he sobbed as he tried to sing. The Pine Tree helped him continue, caressing him as he did to remind him of his presence.

" _...you'll find something waiting; right there where you left it, lying upside down._

_When you finally find it, you'll see how it's fading; the underside is lighter when you turn it around._

_Everything stays, right where you left it. Everything stays, but it still changes._

_Ever so slightly, daily and nightly, in little ways, when everything stays."_

_..._

_...It's fading._

"P-Pine Tree...I can't imagine my life without you anymore...y-you're 40 years old now...there's not much time left..." the demon begged, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

"I will, don't worry. I'll stay with you, Bill. I love you, don't forget that," Dipper said, planting another kiss on his forehead as he held him in his arms. "Hey, come on, I'm not _that_ old. We make the most of every day, Bill. There's still plenty of time, and we spend every single second together. That's a lot, when you think about it, isn't it?"

"I've lived for millions of years, P-Pine Tree. A-all alone. I've only known you for twenty-eight years, and I've only been your lover for nineteen. W-What's nineteen years compared to the millions I've lived in...? Millions of years, and I've only fallen in love once," Bill replied, slowly calming down.

"Nineteen and more to come," Dipper corrected, running his hand up and down his back. "Hey, at least you've had some time to spend with me. I'm not going to pass away _that_ soon; I'm not even counted as a middle-aged man yet. We still have time to spend with each other, loving each other," he planted a kiss on his cheek. "...and maybe again, in the next life."

_Reincarnation. He knew about it._

"...No, please don't. And one way or the other, the time we spend together will still be short compared to me life..." Bill was stubborn.

"I don't want to have to see you die more than once, Pine Tree. Please..."

"But that would also mean you can fall in love all over again, right? You can spend more time with me then, and create more happy memories," Dipper said, pulling him into a more comfortable hug.

"...But it won't be you, Dipper. Y-you won't be Dipper Pines...It's just not you...And I loveonly _you_..."

_Please don't make me suffer all over again. I want you to stay with me, but that's something else. The only one I can love is you. If I haven't fallen in love in millions of years until I met you, what makes you think I can fall in love all over again?_

"It would still be my soul, I'm pretty sure. I haven't exactly read into it, but I know what it is."

"S-stop...please..."

Dipper gently wiped the tears off his lover's face and kissed him on the lips. He gave him a gentle smile and looked into his eyes.

"You don't have to decide right now," he said, leaning his forehead against his, not looking away even once. Bill snuggled closer and sighed in content, embracing his Pine Tree.

"...Thank you."

_But when that time comes, what do I do? Help me and stay with  me, Pine Tree_

_...Oh._

_...You can't._

 

 


	3. Let Me Live With You Once More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill finally accept's Dipper's request on his 66th birthday.  
> \-----------------------------------------------------  
> "Of all the people in the world in millions of years, it had to be you, Dipper Pines."

 

_Fucking hell, Cipher. You're not supposed to be stressing him out anymore. 45 years, yet you're still at it._

He was covered in flames again. Nothing new; it always happened. It happened every year, and he was getting sick of it. The Pine Tree never complained, but he knew he was too. God, he doesn't deserve such a kind, patient, understanding, and caring person as his lover. A human, at that. Why was he so blessed when he was a demon?

Well, maybe it was a curse as well. A punishment for all his sins, for this human made him suffer like never before. Having a heart was extremely painful.

Bill was shivering on the bed, but he did his best to gently shake the Pine Tree's shoulder.

"H-hey, Pine Tree...a-are you...alive...? P-please wake up..."

The demon kept moving the man lightly, being very careful not to cause too much pain. He was getting old and he didn't want to break any of his bones. He has to treat him as something fragile now, because with one wrong move, he was a step closer to death.

"Pine Tree...?" Bill softly called, his voice cracking and going weak.

Dipper grunted and mumbled, "Hey, Bill..." His voice was barely audible, though, and he didn't bother opening his eyes just yet.

"W-wake up, Pine Tree...m-my love...Dipper Pines...please respond...d-don't leave me hanging..." The demon didn't sense his lover call his name; he couldn't. Insanity, fear, and anxiety were slowly taking over him for yet another time at this day every year.

The old man slowly opened his eyes and reached out for the demon who was still panicking. He could tell Bill was doing his best to control it, but he was still shaking and producing flames. Dipper gently wrapped his arms around the dream demon's waist and lightly pulled him into a hug.

"I'm awake, Bill." He said it a little louder this time.

The flames died down, and tears started to flow from the demon's eyes, now glowing yellow once again rather than red. He looked down at his lover and said, "P-Pine Tree...?"

"Good morning, Bill," he replied, giving him a gentle smile.

"Pine Tree, y-you're alive...!" the demon cried, leaning down as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders. "You're alive..." he repeated, trying to smile.

Dipper chuckled lightly, just to lighten up the mood a little. "Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

Bill didn't respond, continuing to cry.

"Ah, sorry...bad question, huh? Don't worry, I'm still okay," the old man reassured, stroking the demon's back to comfort him.

"P-Pine Tree...d-don't leave me, okay? I-it's just...the date of your death...i-it's...it's haunting me..." Bill sobbed, holding onto him tighter. "I can't stop thinking about it. It won't get out of my head; I can't make it go away. I-it's getting near, Pine Tree...just a few more years and...y-y-you're g-gone...I don't want it to be real. I wish I was wrong...but things aren't going my way..."

Dipper remained silent. He didn't have much to argue with anymore; he was getting old. He doesn't know when exactly he's going to die, but Bill does. If he says it's in a few more years, then it's in a few more years. Even if he lied, the old man wouldn't know, but what he does know is the demon wouldn't joke about such a thing. He was running out of words to comfort him. It wasn't that easy to calm him down anymore, because everything he's saying is slowly becoming a reality.

And there's no escape from reality.

But there was always one thing that worked; year after year, it always did. "Hey..." he started, holding the man's chin in his fingertips. Bill stared into his eyes, though he was still crying. He was going to ask 'What?', but no voices came out of his mouth.

"...do you want me to sing it again?"

That song. It meant so much for them; it was as if it was written just for them. It wasn't, of course, but it felt like it. Bill understood it more every year, and it was painful, but he had to accept it somehow.

"Yes, please..." Bill answered, sobbing. He sang with the old man. Though his voice was raspy, it was still better than how he sang right after he cried years ago.

_"Let's go in the garden, you'll find something waiting; right there where you left it, lying upside down._

_When you finally find it, you'll see how it's fading; the underside is lighter when you turn it around._

_Everything stays, right where you left it. Everything stays, but it still changes._

_Ever so slightly, daily and nightly, in little ways, when everything stays."_

Bill was still crying, but he wasn't shaking anymore. He still held his lover in his arms, afraid because he knew what the lyrics meant; he knew what the song was saying.

"...I love you so much..." he whispered, leaning back to caress his Pine Tree's face. Tears stopped falling, eyes left reddish and puffy. His lips curled into a sad yet endearing smile as he gazed into his brown orbs.

"I love you too, Bill," Dipper replied, staring back with the same smile he had. "Hey, mind helping me up?" he asked, retracting his arms from the demon's waist.

_Right, he's getting older and weaker._

"Of course, my Pine Tree."

Bill got out of the bed and walked to the old man's side of it, then offered his hand. Dipper took his hand and grunted as he slowly sat up, then he turned and stood up. "Need a cane?" the demon offered.

Dipper snorted and replied, "I can still walk normally; I'm not _that_ old, you dork. Even Grunkle Stan could walk normally at this age!"

"Woops, haha, my bad," Bill chuckled. He held the old man's hand and walked with him anyway, though. They walked to the door in silence; not saying a word to each other. It was comforting though, rather than awkward.

"Hey, Bill..." Dipper started. The demon looked at him and tilted his head. "Yeah?"

"...I want to live with you again."

Bill stopped in his tracks and looked at the ground. He hung his head low and didn't respond immediately.

"...What are you saying, Pine Tree...?" His hand trembled and squeezed tighter.

He knew what he meant.

"I'm saying I want to be reincarnated by you, Bill."

Reincarnation, something the Pine Tree's been thinking about for the past decade already. Bill never liked the idea, though. Yes, it would mean he could fall in love all over again and make more happy memories...

...but he wouldn't be with Dipper Pines.

"Pine Tree, we've talked about this. I only want you, Dipper Pines."

"Bill, it'd still be my soul you'll meet in my next life. I-I won't remember you, but hey, I've read about it, and the book says that I'd have the same personality..."

"Please, no...It would be heart-wrenching, you not remembering me. It would be so painful talking to you, who wouldn't have any of the memories I do...It may be your soul, but it won't be your body and mind anymore..."

"But Bill, you don't want me to leave you, right? I wouldn't if it was possible, but there's no other way..." Dipper replied.

"C-can't I just make you immortal? It's possible, you know..." the demon offered.

"I can't leave Mabel, Bill, and I don't want to be forced to live with seeing the people I love die and not be able to do anything about it, it hurts...I-I wouldn't want to get close with anyone the--"

"THEN HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?!" Bill shouted, slamming his fist into the wall.

Dipper flinched, both in surprise and pain; the demon gripped his hand so tight he felt like it'd break. He looked at him with eyes wide open, taken aback by his sudden action.

Tears streamed down the demon's cheeks and dripped onto the floor as he sobbed. His eyes suddenly shot wide open as he realized what he did. He sensed that the human was in pain because of him.

_What the fuck are you doing, Bill Cipher. Why are you being so fucking selfish? He wasn't doing anything wrong, he was only thinking of you. Stop hurting him, even if he's hurting you. He never chose to be human, and you never asked to fall in love with one._

He released the old man's hand and stood there, frozen by guilt. "B-Bill...?" Dipper called.

"...I-I'm sorry..." Bill sobbed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he repeated, knees starting to shake.

"Bill, it's okay..." the Pine Tree said. "N-no, s-sorry...I was only thinking of myself..." the demon replied, making a horrible attempt to laugh it off. He shouldn't have tried; it only made him cry more. "Shh, it's alright, Bill..." Dipper cooed, gently pulling him into a hug. The demon hesitantly bent his arms, about to hug him back, but he couldn't. They just stayed by his side, shivering.

Dipper slid his hand onto the demon's arms and tenderly wrapped them around his waist, then went back to hugging him. "It's okay..."

_"...you don't have to decide right now."_

_Those words...he always said those words. He's told me that for the last 26 years already, and now it's the 27th. He never forced me to let him. He was so patient...why? I don't deserve such kindness, such leniency...Why did I have to fall in love with him? And on top of that, why am I such a horrible lover in return?_

_Of all the people in the world in millions of years, it had to be Dipper Pines._

Bill held the Pine Tree tighter and closer, burying his face in his shoulder as he cried. "P-Pine Tree...why are you so kind...?" he asked. "What do you mean, Bill?" the old man replied. The demon didn't say anything for a few seconds, then he finally got himself to speak.

"...I don't deserve your kindness. You're really nice, caring, understanding, lenient, and patient. You're the best lover anyone could ask for, and yet...you ended up with me. I'm horrible; I'm the worst. I mean, just look at how we are right now. I've ruined your birthdays since we got together, and I'm not any better now; it's been 45 years, and I haven't changed. You never got a completely happy birthday after your 21st, I'm sorry. What did I ever do to deserve you?

You're a blessing, Pine Tree, but you're also a curse. You've hurt me in so many ways, but I can't get mad at you. Loving you hurts. Having a heart is painful. Perhaps you're a punishment for all the sins I've committed. I do deserve to suffer like this. The world is simply giving me what I deserve; eternal pain and suffering. Anguish that will never fade. I'm going to have to wander aimlessly around the entire universe alone, but with great agony.

 

 I don't regret falling in love with you, but perhaps I should never have turned human. I wouldn't have a heart, and I wouldn't be able to love. I wouldn't be suffering so much. But I did it anyway; and I guess this is what I got in return. This is why demons don't turn into humans; we're not supposed to fall in love with one, and I only understood that when I met you. Demons and humans weren't meant to be with each other, but here we are. Looks like destiny found the perfect punishment; it found the perfect human I was to fall in love with.

Of all the people in the world in millions of years, it had to be you, Dipper Pines."

 

Dipper listened to the whole thing, never missing a word. _Demons and humans weren't meant to be?_

_...That made sense._

He was going to speak, but Bill wasn't finished.

"I'm not going to be selfish anymore...I'm going to be a good lover for once and accept your request..."

"Bill, what are you saying...?"

 

"...I'll do it, Dipper Pines. I'm going to reincarnate you at the time of your demise."

 

 


	4. See You In The Next Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill sensed that the Pine Tree's heartbeat was slower than it usually was. He knew what it meant.  
> (Dipper is 77 years old here, though this chapter does not feature his birthday.)  
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> "Et ego exspectabo te casurum in altera vita mea...Te amo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some background music to make u cry more: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Szw8r6CDi8k

Bill sensed that the Pine Tree's heartbeat was slower than it usually was. He knew what it meant.

"P-Pine...Pine Tree..." he called, shivering as he reached for the old man's shoulder. He shook it gently, trying to wake him up, but not too harshly. He didn't want to cause any trouble for today.

Dipper grunted and furrowed his brows before slowly opening his eyes. He blinked a few times to get his vision focused.

"Hey...Bill..." he responded weakly, as if it were merely a whisper. He coughed a little a second after he answered him.

Bill was about to panic again; he was about to ignite flames like he always did. But this time, he didn't. God, no, not today. Just once, he had to do it for him. The demon held them back; both the tears and flames. His lover couldn't handle that anymore today.

"Good morning...P-P-Pine Tree..." he greeted, his voice cracking.

_Not yet, Cipher. Not just yet._

"M...mornin..." Dipper coughed. "Hey...help me up, w-will ya...?" he requested.

"...Can I carry you?" Bill asked instead, clutching onto the sheets slightly. Dipper chuckled weakly then asked, "What k-kind of q-question is that...? Heh, why d-do you want to, Bill...?" But he wasn't kidding.

"Please, let me carry you."

Bill pleaded as he was about to sob. He was doing his best to hide his sadness; he didn't want the Pine Tree worrying about him now.

The smile from the old man's face faded as he sensed that his lover wasn't joking around. "Sure...but what's wrong, Bill?" he asked.

Bill didn't reply and proceeded to slide his arms under his legs and back. He lifted him and got out of the bed, standing on the floor. He held his lover close and tight, but gently as well, for he knew that his body was fragile and couldn't take much force.

"Bill...-" the old man called his name, but the demon responded, "Not a word from you, Pine Tree."

Dipper was confused but he obeyed, keeping quiet as the demon walked. He phased them through the door and carefully walked down the stairs, taking light steps so as not to make it a bumpy ride for the Pine Tree. He took them outside and snapped, conjuring a field of wildflowers. Bill lay him there gently, then knelt beside his head.

"...Bill..." Dipper called out once again, resting his head on the demon's lap. Bill looked at him from above and gently stroked his hair. He read his mind as well, saving him the trouble of speaking.

"...It's today."

"What is...?" the old man asked, coughing a little after he spoke.

The demon sighed; he had to tell him, but how would he feel about it? He needed to be happy, but he also needed to know...god, this is difficult. "...It's today, Pine Tree..."

"...your last day on earth."

He felt his heart wrench when he said that. He hated how it was so damn painful...but it was worth it.

Dipper was surprised, but not too shocked; he took it well, thank god. "I see..." he replied weakly, slowly reaching for Bill's hand with his own. The demon sensed his movement and gently held it for him, stroking the back of his hand as he did. The old man gave a gentle smile and sighed in content.

"Hey...could you c-call Mabel for me...?" he requested, squeezing the demon's hand lightly. "O-Of course, my Pine Tree..." Bill replied, using his free hand to conjure a little bell in between his fingers. He rang it slightly, which made Mabel get teleported beside himself. The demon looked at her as she was registering her surroundings.

_She still has a few more weeks, though...why not you, Pine Tree...?_

"Mabel..." Dipper called out to his sister, tilting his head a little to be able to look at her. "D-Dipper...?" she responded. She, too ,noticed that her brother was paler than before.

"...Do you need some time alone, my Pine Tree?" Bill asked, slowly lifting his lover's hand. He leaned in to plant a little kiss on it, then gently placed it down, still holding it.

"No, I-I want to stay with you until t-the end...Bill..." he replied, smiling at the gesture. Bill almost let a tear fall on his cheek, but he refused to. "I-I do too..." the demon said. The old man turned to his sister as his smile slowly faded, becoming a sad smile instead.

"H-hey...Mabel..." he coughed. "...I won't b-be with you for much l-longer...I'm sorry...L-looks like today's the d-day we're finally going t-to part ways..." His eyes started to water, but he continued. "I really e-enjoyed my life with you in it...I p-probably couldn't have survived if you weren't by my side all the time...b-but you always had my back...O-our memories are really nice to look back on, it was always f-fun with you being with me...no matter what happened...w-we never left each other..." Tears started to roll down his cheeks, and his sister couldn't help but cry too. But Bill remained resilient; he couldn't crack yet. Still, it was painful to watch these twins...

Mabel reached for his hand and held it with both of hers, letting the tears drop onto the ground. She didn't care about that right now. "D-Dipper, it's okay, i-it's not your fault...it's not anyone's fault t-that you're dying...we can't really avoid it, y-you know? Someday, the same will happen to me...but it's okay," she said, looking into her brother's eyes. "I'm going to miss you, bro-bro...i-it's the first time we're going to be apart...for a long, long time...b-but don't worry about me, I-I can take it...I was so afraid of growing up, but you helped me accept it...I loved living with you, it was never a dull day, t-though mostly that's because I'm there...heh...It was always fun teasing you back then, you would get s-so embarrassed, it was adorable...remember those times...?" she gave a sincere smile and halfheartedly chuckled, still trying to light up the mood like she always did.

_The Shooting Star's still shining...but the Pine Tree is fading..._

Dipper chuckled a little, too, reminiscing those good times. "Yeah...y-you guys were jerks..." he teased. There was a short pause before he continued, "...I love you, Mabel...I'm going to miss you too..." he cried, tears rolling down his cheeks. Bill gently stroked them away with the back of his free hand.

"I love you too, Dipper..." Mabel replied, crying harder than she already was. She brought his hand closer to her face and leaned her cheek into it, feeling the little bit of warmth he had left. Dipper stroked her cheekbone with his thumb, wiping some of her tears in the way. The brunette held his hand and gently placed it back onto the ground.

"Goodbye, Dipper...my Mystery Twin."

She slowly released his hand, then ruffled his hair a little.

"Goodbye, Mabel...my Mystery Twin."

Mabel retracted her hand and leaned closer to him to give him a hug. They shared one last sincere sibling hug before she stood up and walked away, sitting a little distant behind Bill. She gave them space to say their farewells...Surely, it was the hardest on Bill...

Dipper looked into Bill's eyes and started, "Bill..."

"Pine Tree..." the demon called back.

"Hey...you're going to be okay...w-we're going to meet again, right...? J-just you wait...we'll make more memories...maybe you can even get me to remember us..."

_He's still worrying about me...? God, Pine Tree, why are you so pure of heart...why were you chosen to be one with my corrupted one..._

"P-please, don't worry about me...how about worrying about yourself for once...? You're...d-dying...but all you can think about is still me...?" Bill replied. He chuckled halfheartedly and took his other hand, resting his cheek on it. "You're really one of a kind...I'm really lucky to have become your lover, Dipper Pines..." he said, gazing into his brown orbs endearingly. His lips curled into a sad smile, whilst tears started to blur his vision.

"...I only wish you could say the same for me."

He couldn't take it anymore and started to cry. "I-I wish I h-had more time to make it up to you...b-but..."

"Bill, shh..." Dipper shushed, bringing his hand closer to his lips and planting a little kiss on it. "It's okay, you don't have to...you're a great lover, d-don't you know that...?"

"H-how? All I've been doing is stressing you out, ruining your birthdays, and causing you trouble. I was so selfish it took me 45 years to agree to reincarnate you, but you waited for my answer anyway. I'm terrible at this; at love. Demons weren't meant to have hearts, but I turned myself into a human anyway. Pine Tree, when have I ever been a good lover to you...?" Bill replied, voice cracking every few words.

Dipper leaned his cheek into his hand and answered, "Only in every day of my life, Bill. I don't mind all those little things, I know you can't help it, and it's okay. You just really love me so much, and I love you too. You know, living with Mabel was one thing, but when you became my lover, my life became even better. For someone who wasn't meant to have a heart, you sure are doing great in love..."

"G-great...? Love's hurting me, how am I doing great at that...?"

"Love hurts, Bill; that's a fact. You can't deny it. But that's okay, that's how it should be...sadly." Dipper sighed. "I wish we had more time...I can tell this life wasn't enough for you, Bill...sorry-"

"No, d-don't apologize, y-you don't deserve to. You have no reason to be sorry, Pine Tree...I love living with you..."

_...but dying with you isn't possible._

The old man couldn't help but cry too. "P-Pine Tree...s-sorry if I'm making you cry...again...I-I'm sorry for everything terrible I've done to you..." Bill apologized, running his fingers through his gray locks. "No...it's okay..." Dipper comforted, nuzzling more into his lap.

"...I'm scared too, you know. I-I'm afraid of death too...I don't want to die...I don't want to leave you, I-I never did. I don't want to go, I want to stay with you; for all eternity. But it's just n-not how life works...t-the world is cruel, Bill, but we can't do anything about t-that, so we have no other c-choice than to accept what it gives us and cherish it...

...Of all the humans in the world in my life, it gave me you, Bill Cipher. And I cherish you.

I-I don't care if you're a dream demon, I love you. I love you with all my heart, with all my life and what's left of it. I'm going to be with you until my very last heartbeat. I u-understand how it's painful for you to reincarnate me, b-but it's the best we can do...the only way to live together again...Y-you'll get me to remember you, I just know it...just a f-few dreams in the Mindscape should get me g-going..."

He started to cough and hack violently.

_No...no...j-just a few more minutes, PLEASE...just a little more time..._

"P-Pine Tree..." Bill sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Y-You'll...f-find me again, Bill...w-we'll fall in love again in twenty-one years...a-and we're going to live together once m-more...we'll m-make tons of good memories...m-more memories to cherish...

...Please, p-promise me you'll look for me...a-and let me fall for you all over again..." Dipper weakly said, gripping on the demon's sweater vest...

_..it was the one he wore on the day we met, too..._

Bill started to shiver, but he controlled it when he realized he was. He swallowed before answering the Pine Tree.

"...Of course, my Pine Tree...I'm going to miss you..."

His heartbeat was starting to fade...getting slower and slower every second...

"Goodbye, Bill Cipher...my dream demon...my love..."

Dipper whispered, tears falling onto the demon's hand.

"Goodbye, Dipper Pines...my Pine Tree...my one true love..."

 

 

"...H-hey, Bill..."

"...Y-Yes...?"

"...Sing me that song again."

That was his final request.

 

Bill's eyes shot wide open as he grit his teeth. That song meant so much more to him now...especially because it fits so much for them...But he agreed. He couldn't deny his last wish. He caressed his lover ever so gently, full of love with every touch as he sang.

_"Let's go in the garden...You'll find something waiting..." Dipper lay in a bed of wildflowers._

_"Right there where you left it, lying upside down..." He's going to leave me..._

_"When you finally find it, you'll see how it's fading..._

_The underside is lighter when you turn it around..." His color is fading...his heartbeat is slowing down..._

_"Everything stays...right where you left it..." He's always been by my side._

_"Everything stays...but it still changes..." But he still grew older, getting closer to death every second. We couldn't do anything about that._

_"Ever so slightly...daily and nightly..." I could see him get paler every day..._

_"In little ways...when everything stays..." Our love remains, and it will never fade away...And I'm forced to stay in this universe, too._

He finished the song for his Pine Tree, and after his last word, he listened to his heartbeat...

 

_...and it was gone._

Bill cried more than he ever did. The old man's hand lost its grip and dropped onto his lap lifelessly. His body was pale as it lay on the ground, his head still on the demon's lap. Bill slowly brought his palm's to where the Pine Tree's heart used to beat, and muttered an incantation.

The human's body started to glow, and once he finished speaking, the glow formed a rather bright orb in his palms. He held the Pine Tree's soul in his hands. The demon shed tears as he gazed at it lovingly. He leaned into it and whispered his last words of affection for Dipper Pines.

_"Et ego exspectabo te casurum in altera vita mea...Te amo."_

The bright light floated high into the sky, then flashed once before fading away.

_The deed is done, my Pine Tree._

Mabel rushed to the demon's side and gently placed her hand on his shoulder in attempt to comfort him, despite crying herself.

 

Bill didn't bother standing up; he didn't want to leave yet. He cried as he hugged the corpse, only to find no warmth in return.

"I love you, Pine Tree...I love you...Dipper Pines..." he sobbed.

 

Note: The Latin means "I'll wait for you and fall for you again in the next life, my love...I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Latin Bill spoke of means "I'll wait for you and fall for you again in the next life, my love...I love you."


	5. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill couldn't wait for 25 years, not even if it meant being with the Pine Tree again. It was too much for him to take, especially without the Shooting Star by his side anymore either.  
> \------------------------------------------------------------  
> "I'm sorry, Dipper Pines."

June 21st, 2075. The date of Dipper Pines' death. 77 years of age, and Bill had spent 55 of it with him.

** _____________________________ **

_Dipper Pines 1999-2075_

_'He is loved for all eternity, and shall live once more.'_

** ___________________________________________ **

****

It's been a month and a half since the Pine Tree's death; his sister followed a month after he did. Bill had no one with him anymore. No one to help and comfort him; all alone, wandering aimlessly in this earth. His one true love never slipped out of his mind, and the only things he would do were to cry, think about Dipper Pines, and walk around without a destination. Without the Shooting Star there to help him get over it, he was going insane.

He didn't know if he could wait twenty-one more years to meet him again. Twenty-one years to fall in love all over again.

Bill sat by his grave, which still stood in the middle of the bed of wildflowers he had conjured on that day. They were the Pine Tree's favorite. He caressed the marble and stroked the blue gem shaped like a Pine Tree on the headstone's top. There were gold little triangles and Pine Trees etched into it as well; Bill was the one who designed it, after all.

"Hey, Pine Tree..." he said, speaking to the inanimate object. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he spoke.

"I miss you so much..." he cried, a crack in his voice. He knelt and hugged the headstone, wrapping it in his arms as if it were his beloved Pine Tree. It was a sad sight, seeing him like this.

"Shooting Star's not here to comfort me anymore...she passed away a month after you did, you know...? I can't stop thinking about you...I can't sleep...When I do manage to take naps somehow, I dream of our memories. I'm a dream demon, so I can't exactly dream like you humans do; I can only see memories...

...and they hurt so much.

I need you here with me, Pine Tree...it's so painful...time is agonizingly slow as I wait for twenty-one years to see you again...Yet it was cruelly fast when I was spending time with you. The world's done well to punish me...No matter what I do, I can't seem to atone for my sins...

...I'm sorry for all the wrongdoings I've done to you. I know, I've apologized before your demise, but I can't help it. I terrorized you in your childhood, and I regret it. I can't believe you loved me, even after all that...what a kind heart you have...it's sickeningly sweet...

...I also want to live with you again, just like you...but it's painful to wait for so much time to pass...I want to fall in love with you again, and make more memories, and stay with you, and be by your side when you need me. You won't be Dipper Pines...but it'll always be your soul. I know you want to live with me once again, and that's exactly why you had me reincarnate you, but..."

Bill slowly pulled away and locked his eyes onto the crystal Pine Tree symbol.

"...I can't suffer like this anymore."

The demon rested his forearm on the headstone, the front facing him. With his other hand, he snapped, and conjured up a knife. He gripped on it, doing his best not to drop it as his arm shivered. He took deep breaths and looked down to his forearm.

_I'm going to become a human. A full human. I won't spend my days as a dream demon any longer. I'm going to be just like you, a mortal._

"I'm sorry, Dipper Pines."

 

He pointed the tip of the knife to his skin then started to mutter an incantation. He hissed at the pain as he dug the blade deeper into his flesh, dragging it and drawing out more blood, staining the wildflowers with crimson. Mixed with screams of excruciating pain, he carved a sigil whilst he chanted the spell.

"Y-You're going to have to live again...but without me..."

He dropped the knife onto the ground as he finished, blood spreading onto the flowers and grass below him. He breathed heavily, the magic slowly taking over him.

"I'm a human now...just like you..."

He gritted his teeth as he felt the effects of the spell...there was something wrong. Something wasn't right; it was incomplete.

He made it incomplete.

The sigil lacked a symbol, and he purposefully didn't carve it in.

 

Bill leaned forward and weakly hugged the headstone once more, tears streaming down his cheeks and dropping onto the marble. His body started to lose its tan color; it was getting paler by the second.

The length of his life started to take its toll on the human body. Without that symbol in the sigil, the vessel could not cope with the millions of years he's lived, and did not go with his biological age. He was millions of years old, but if he did it right, he'd still be able to live on as a young man.

...But he didn't.

 

"I'm sorry, my Pine Tree...my love...Dipper Pines..." He planted a kiss on the headstone and held it tighter, only to have his grip loosen a few seconds later.

 

Those were his last words before he closed his eyes as his body went limp and lifeless. The skin turned pale, and his body grew thinner until you could see the shapes of his bones. The corpse slid down from the headstone and dropped to the ground, right where the Pine Tree lay at his death. The body turned into ash, scattering all over the wildflowers.

Bill's soul would have left the body and wandered the universe, or perhaps be brought into either heaven and hell. Maybe it would have watched his Pine Tree live his life without the demon. Maybe he could have reincarnated himself and live with the human once more as a mortal, since he still had knowledge of the spell.

 

_...but demons didn't have any souls._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally cried while writing every chapter of this god the feels are killing me inside T_T I hope you liked the story, though. It was worth it. I really hate myself for letting it end like this T_T


End file.
